So it is about a week before...ahem...THAT TIME and once again, I am an uncontrollable grab-bag of emotions. Not unlike an uncontrollable grab-bag full of rabid cats on steroids. Do not ask me why i am writing a blog post about this, it's my blog, and I DO WHAT I WANT. I think it's my duty to enlighten all of the men out there of exactly what is going through a woman's mind during this trying time in her life.
Firstly, we do NOT want to hear about your problems. Our twisted minds only turn them into OUR problems. You had a shitty day? OURS WAS SHITTIER. You're hungry? We have been STARVING ALL FUCKING DAY. Your back hurts? We have advanced scoliosis and there is no hope for a cure. In fact, we are dying. We are dying slowly and there is nothing we can do about it.
Second, anything you say can and WILL be taken the wrong way. I would like to state an example here, in the form of a conversation i had with my boyfriend only moments ago.
Me: I am thinking about starting a blog, so I am writing down a bunch of shit, and then I am going to edit it and post it.
Boyfriend: Aren't blogs supposed to be spur of the moment?
Me: WHY CAN'T YOU BE POSITIVE AND SUPPORT ME?! I WAS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS! YOU ARE REALLY GETTING ME DOWN! I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!!!
Boyfriend: What's your fucking problem?
Me: I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM! I AM PERFECTLY FINE! YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! *starts to cry*
You see? We can't control it.
Next, nothing pleases us, but at the same time, we want....no...we NEED you to TRY and please us. Let us choose the movie and then bitch about how bad it is. Make light of a situation, and then put up with us when we tell you how AWFUL it really is and how we can't understand how ANYONE could make light of something like THAT. Be overly sweet, but don't expect us to be sweet in return. Getting mad at us because we are bitchy on our period (ESPECIALLY SAYING "Geeze, you're bitchy, are you PMSing?") will result in DIRE consequences. Most of us will call ourselves out after catching ourselves doing something insane, like crying over how a shirt that didn't fit a year ago still doesn't fit NOW.
So, now you think you have it all figured out. Just deal with the bitchiness, and eventually it will go away.
WRONG.
WRONGY WRONG WRONG.
Two words. Mood swings.
Between the outbursts of random, unprovoked bitchiness, there will be outbursts of happiness. EXTREME happiness. Just this morning I sent my boyfriend a text saying "I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (with just about that many exclamation points). Later, I bitched him out. Today during lunch I got overly excited when I found out that there was leftover chicken in the fridge. I danced around while it was microwaving, humming to myself happily. Then, when I took it out, I decided that I was fat and that I didn't need to be eating it. This brought me to tears. This is the cycle. Don't think you can handle it? Buy a helmet and some ear plugs.
I belive that PMS was sent to us by God because as women, WE CAN HANDLE IT. it might get a little rocky at times, but shit, if we can shove a watermelon sized, living, breathing being out of our vaginas we can handle a little blood coming out once a month. Can't we? *starts to sniff* CAN'T WE???
OH MY GOD. I HAVE TO GO. I AM GETTING NO WORK DONE AND WILL DEFINITELY GET FIRED AND THEN LOSE MY APARTMENT AND THEN MY BOYFRIEND AND THEN MY CAT AND THEN WE WILL BE HOMELESS.
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